Humor me for a second. These are strange times, so let’s get a little stranger. We’re hopping in the DeLorean and parking that thing in the year 2004. First and foremost, in case anyone is wondering, this was the year my highly anticlimactic football career began. As a one-time flag football champion, however, I hope my contributions to the gridiron are remembered long after my playing days are over (which should’ve already happened but that’s not important). But man, those god damn Bostonians got to see Tom Terrific get #2 as the Pats took down the Panthers in Super Bowl 38 for their second dub in three years. And if that wasn’t enough for Beantown, the Bosox finally shattered the Curse of the Bambino in dramatic fashion by first coming back from a 3-0 championship series deficit against the Yankees (sorry Edie) to send them to the World Series and later throttling the Cardinals once they got there. Personally, I really enjoyed the artist formally known as Ron Artest running into the stands and dropping a few bombs in the “Malice at the Palace,” one of the most purely chaotic moments in sports history. Definitely worth checking out if you have no clue what I’m talking about.
Ultimately though, all of this leads me to the most important moment of 2004. This moment single handedly changed the landscape of pretty much everything, and I only wish I was able to appreciate it sooner. The king of reggaeton himself graciously blessed the world with arguably the greatest bop of all time. You know the one. “Dootdoodoodootdoot, HO, dootdoodoodootdoot, HO, dootdoodoodootdoot HO……. DA-DDY, YAN-KEE!!!” If I wasn’t 11 years old at the time, you bet your ass I would’ve been at Matador every single weekend strictly to go dumb to Gasolina. For a moment it seemed like the rest of the music world stopped and this was the only song that existed, and for good reason. Which brings me to my next point… baseball. One of my fondest memories as a kid was going to Angels Stadium and hearing what songs my favorite players were going to walk up to. Gasolina was always #1. I’ve gone to a few ballparks in my life and I kid you not, I’ve never seen a place light up the way it does when a batter walks out to Gasolina. Shit, even Manny Machado used to come out to it when he was on the Dodgers a few years ago. The song has stood the test of time, and it still bangs harder than ever.
Now I know what you’re thinking. “What the fuck is this dude talking about?” But hear me out. All my Latinos know what Gasolina means to the culture and even more so how legendary Daddy Yankee has become. He will always be the OG, and you’d be hard pressed to find someone that would question that. Times are changing, though, and we have to adapt.
A new prince has arrived and he has proven time and time again that he is more than capable of carrying the crown, regardless of how heavy. He even got the cosign from the OG and all they did was fuck around and cook up the banger of the summer last year. Benito Antonio Martinez Ocasio aka Bad Bunny baybay is here to singlehandedly save the entire MLB from the monotony of outdated classic rock and songs about tractors. I’m going to start calling him the Puerto Rican Stephen Curry because the man simply does not miss.
For all my stat nerds reading this (I’m one of them) let me put it this way. As of 2018, Latinos accounted for 31% of major leaguers. With a little bit of bro science, that means that roughly 1 in 3 of these dudes more than likely has El Conejo Malo playing in their Airpods or G-Wagons throughout the day. We haven’t even mentioned the clubhouse, where a majority of the new music probably gets shared anyway!! I’m willing to bet my bottom dollar that Javy Baez has walked into the Cubs clubhouse and told whoever was on the aux “oye papi, lemme play sometheen, si?” and proceeded to bump Soy Peor or Soltera or any of the other bangers (literally so many).
Major League Baseball, Commissioner Manfred, team social media accounts, all of you fools. The time is now. I’m offering you a solution to your “baseball is boring” problem. Invest in Bad Bunny. Make commercials with him and Javy, Carlos Correa, Fernando Tatis Jr or any other young Latino star. Have him perform at the All-Star Game and drop a few bombs in the Celebrity Softball Game. Put him in next year’s MLB The Show. Play his songs at the ballparks. ALL OF IT. TODO. I wish Common was here to help me out. “Time for Manfred to cut the check and give him all the money, your savior is here, it’s Bad Bunny!” The man is pure marketing gold and in case you haven’t noticed, he did a song with Drake. DRAKE. Not to mention, do you know many players are gonna walk out to his music this season??? Mas de cien.
His music in ballparks this year is going to be what Gasolina was in 2004, except on all the steroids that the guy with the cross earring was on. The takeover is on the horizon, and don’t say I didn’t warn you. Remember this exact moment when Baez hits a walk off home run and looks directly into the camera, throws up the pinkies and screams “Yo soy de P Fkin R!!” I know I will.